College Stuff

[d&q]

May I ask why you're keen about applying only in-state?

It's cheaper to stay in state. I can't afford out of state, even on loans. I don't want to have >$100000 to pay off after school. Plus, University of Michigan--Ann Arbor is a great school. It ranks #25 for the best colleges in America.

Depending on your financial status, some of the top schools will be free (or near free) to you. Harvard for example, is free for families that make less than $60,000. It's not even limited to the top 50 schools or whatever; here's a good article that lists some interesting free/cheap colleges and programs: http://www.usnews.com/usnews/biztech/articles/060910/18free.htm . There are even waivers for application fees. Just the other day I got application fee waivers for Rice University and G-Tech.

Oh and like they said and as you probably know, top ## really means nothing, especially for some schools which are really quite broad and diverse in their offerings. An overall rating would not tell you too much about the specific college you're entering. Anyway, it's still not too late to apply to other schools!

[skip]

Thanks for all the input, guys.

Anyways, here is my Michigan State University essay. This is something I whipped up in about an hour. Please give all the input you guys can  .

Essay question: Describe the environment you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and how this environment has affected or influenced your plans for the future. .
400 words max.

A famous scholar once said, “You are who your friends are.” I believe that the concept of this certain quote can be applied not only to a person’s friends, but rather to everything in a person’s life. A person’s family, friends, community and even something simple as a person’s distant neighbor has a direct impact upon the molding of a person’s personality, attitude, goals and ambitions.

Throughout my life, not only my parents, but my cousins, friends, and even my employer has emphasized a strong need for school. The fact that I am a first generation college-bound student in my family, school has been placed a number one priority in my life. My family, who were also the first generation immigrants to the United States, came here with absolutely nothing. They struggle each day just generate enough income just to get by. These certain circumstances of my family has aspired me to pursue a career where I can help the less fortunate people such as my family. I believe that as a lawyer or a politician, I can truly help the masses of people who have experienced the same circumstances that my family has endured.

In addition to the ways my family has influenced my plans for the future; my friends have genuinely influenced my plans tremendously. My friends were the ones that truly pushed me to become the best of what I can become. Throughout my high school career, without my intentions, I surrounded myself in friends that were involved deeply in politics. The numerous heated discussions that my friends and I have had hooked me into politics and law as well. The several times where I always questioned whether being a politician would actually fulfill the reason I aspire to be a politician or lawyer, my friends have always somehow drawn me back time after time.
 
Each aspect of a person, including a person’s personality and attitude is a reflection of the environment that a person grows up in.   With the certain environment I came to grow up in; my friends causing my deep interest in politics and my family’s less fortunate circumstances have paved the road ahead of me for the future. I certainly believe that as a politician or a lawyer, I can do what I’m drawn to as well as help people who are less fortunate than I am.

Oh and btw, I'm not even sure what I want to do. A politician and lawyer are just something on my list I'm trying to shorten. 

Thanks guys!

[topaz~]

Your English sucks.

[Rule]

If the scholar is truly famous, you should give his actual name.  If you can't find the name, simply start with the sentence "You are who your friends are" (with the quotation marks). Also, you're using semicolons as commas.  As a simple guideline, do not use a semicolon where you could not use a period.  Generally, try to be more specific: for instance, in what ways have your friends caused a deep interest in politics?  The more specific you are, the more you differentiate yourself from other applicants.  And if you can eliminate words without losing information, do so.  e.g. "My friends were the ones that[sic: who] truly pushed me to become the best of what I can become" should read: "My friends motivated me to reach for my potential".  Maybe "my friends genuinely motivated me to reach for my potential" has a good rhetorical effect.  Can you give a specific example of how this happened?  It is good that you do talk about the debates that you engaged in with your friends, but it would help if you told a story about this.  Also, re-word the last few sentences.  Keep them short, specific, and meaningful.

Good luck.

[skip]

Thanks a bunch, Rule.

I'll be sure to rewrite my essay with your suggestions included. It's just going to be hard to be specific about something and try and get my point across all in 400 words.

[Ender]

Yeah, you definitely have grammatical mistakes and some poorly-constructed sentences, but Rule probably covered it all so I won't bother rehashing.

I don't know whether this is the only essay you'll be sending, but regardless, here are some major points that you should communicate in college essays:

1. the type of person you are (you did this well)
2. your skills, experience, hobbies, qualifications: things to impress them, things to differentiate you from others (you made no mention of this)
3. the strong points of their school that interest you, demonstrate knowledge of their school (you made no mention of this)

What it comes down to is that you want to impress them, and you only covered 1 out of 3 of these points. Vanity is fine, up to the point of obnoxiousness, and you should have your school adviser who handles college apps be the judge of this.

I don't know much about you, hence not much about your skills/experience, but I think I can assume there's a good chance you've meddled in comp sci and programming. You can likely impress them with this, as well as convince them that it translates into a logical mind, enthusiasm for learning, and an ability for independent research -- and that these skills will be very useful in your academic career.

Oh, and the 400 word limit is all the more reason to be succinct and economic.

[Joe]

Name a school.  I'll find a statistic that puts them in the top 25 of something nationally.

University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee

[d&q]

Name a school.  I'll find a statistic that puts them in the top 25 of something nationally.

University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee

University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee is ranked by Vanguard College Ranking among the top 100 universities in the U.S. It is also ranked as one of the top 500 world universities in the Academic Ranking of World Universities compiled by Shanghai Jiao Tong University in 2007. It is also ranked 181th in the Webometrics Ranking of World Universities produced by Cybermetrics Lab, a unit of the Consejo Superior de Investigaciones Científicas (CSIC), the main public research body in Spain.

The School of Architecture and Urban Planning was ranked among the top twenty by U.S. News and World Report in a recent report. Design Intelligence has also ranked the School of Architecture and Urban Planning among the top twenty and second in the Midwest, as well as tied for third in their ‘Most Innovative Programs’ category. The Key Center for Architectural Sociology ranked School of Architecture and Urban Planning 18th in research performance among more than 130 schools in North America. The Journal of Planning Education and Research, ranked UWM's Department of Urban Planning 10th nationally among masters-only programs based on the number of publications per faculty member. The Ph.D. program in architecture also has been recognized as a leader in environment-behavior research.

The graduate program of the School of Education is ranked top by U.S. News & World Report and is cited among the top 3% of research universities by the Carnegie Foundation. The College of Nursing has also been consistently ranked in the top 10% by US News & World Report. The Management Information Systems (MIS) program of Sheldon B. Lubar School of Business is ranked 19th in the U.S. and 24th in the world by a study published in Communications for the Association for Information Systems The School of Information Studies is also ranked among the very best in the nation. In addition, many other individual programs at UW-Milwaukee are also nationally or internationally ranked.

[skip]

Yeah, you definitely have grammatical mistakes and some poorly-constructed sentences, but Rule probably covered it all so I won't bother rehashing.

I don't know whether this is the only essay you'll be sending, but regardless, here are some major points that you should communicate in college essays:

1. the type of person you are (you did this well)
2. your skills, experience, hobbies, qualifications: things to impress them, things to differentiate you from others (you made no mention of this)
3. the strong points of their school that interest you, demonstrate knowledge of their school (you made no mention of this)

What it comes down to is that you want to impress them, and you only covered 1 out of 3 of these points. Vanity is fine, up to the point of obnoxiousness, and you should have your school adviser who handles college apps be the judge of this.

I don't know much about you, hence not much about your skills/experience, but I think I can assume there's a good chance you've meddled in comp sci and programming. You can likely impress them with this, as well as convince them that it translates into a logical mind, enthusiasm for learning, and an ability for independent research -- and that these skills will be very useful in your academic career.

Oh, and the 400 word limit is all the more reason to be succinct and economic.

Yeah, after ACTUALLY reading the essay, I realized there were many errors that I didn't catch previously.

There was another prompt on the online application that was used for academic achievements, awards, employment and good stuff like that. I don't think I'm suppose to add it into the essay.

Thanks for all the input, guys. You guys are awesome  . Once I totally revise this thing up totally, I'll repost.

[Joe]

Name a school.  I'll find a statistic that puts them in the top 25 of something nationally.

University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee

University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee is ranked by Vanguard College Ranking among the top 100 universities in the U.S. It is also ranked as one of the top 500 world universities in the Academic Ranking of World Universities compiled by Shanghai Jiao Tong University in 2007. It is also ranked 181th in the Webometrics Ranking of World Universities produced by Cybermetrics Lab, a unit of the Consejo Superior de Investigaciones Científicas (CSIC), the main public research body in Spain.

The School of Architecture and Urban Planning was ranked among the top twenty by U.S. News and World Report in a recent report. Design Intelligence has also ranked the School of Architecture and Urban Planning among the top twenty and second in the Midwest, as well as tied for third in their ‘Most Innovative Programs’ category. The Key Center for Architectural Sociology ranked School of Architecture and Urban Planning 18th in research performance among more than 130 schools in North America. The Journal of Planning Education and Research, ranked UWM's Department of Urban Planning 10th nationally among masters-only programs based on the number of publications per faculty member. The Ph.D. program in architecture also has been recognized as a leader in environment-behavior research.

The graduate program of the School of Education is ranked top by U.S. News & World Report and is cited among the top 3% of research universities by the Carnegie Foundation. The College of Nursing has also been consistently ranked in the top 10% by US News & World Report. The Management Information Systems (MIS) program of Sheldon B. Lubar School of Business is ranked 19th in the U.S. and 24th in the world by a study published in Communications for the Association for Information Systems The School of Information Studies is also ranked among the very best in the nation. In addition, many other individual programs at UW-Milwaukee are also nationally or internationally ranked.

I lose.

[d&q]

Thanks for all the input, guys. You guys are awesome  . Once I totally revise this thing up totally, I'll repost.

Totally  .

[d&q]

You never reposted!