Author Topic: Programmer Jokes  (Read 7158 times)

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Offline Joe

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Programmer Jokes
« on: September 14, 2005, 02:02:01 am »
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better
programmer.  This goes on for a few hours until they come
to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the Judge. 
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They
type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for
several hours straight.  Seconds before the end of the
competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the
electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God
announces that the contest is over.  He asks Satan to show
what he has come up with.

Satin is visibly upset and cries, "I have nothing, I lost iit all when the power went out."
"Very well, then, " says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pours forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished.  He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything yet Jesus' program is Intact!  How did he do it?"
God Chuckles,  "Everybody knows... Jesus Saves."

http://www.yuksrus.com/programr.html
« Last Edit: September 14, 2005, 02:08:24 am by Joe[e2] »
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


Offline Joe

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Re: Best joke ever
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2005, 02:06:50 am »
A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was shocked and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


Offline Joe

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Re: Best joke ever
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2005, 02:07:31 am »
Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


Offline Joe

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2005, 02:07:52 am »
How many software engineers does it take to replace a light bulb?
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


Offline Ergot

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2005, 02:48:40 am »
Heh some of them were kinda funny.
Who gives a damn? I fuck sheep all the time.
And yes, male both ends.  There are a couple lesbians that need a two-ended dildo...My router just refuses to wear a strap-on.
(05:55:03) JoE ThE oDD: omfg good job i got a boner thinkin bout them chinese bitches
(17:54:15) Sidoh: I love cosmetology

Offline Joe

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2005, 03:46:48 am »
(01:48:43) [x86] Ergot: Like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven.  Real programmers use the heat given off by the CPU. They can tell what  job is running just by listening to the rate the corn is popping.
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


Offline Newby

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2005, 09:13:54 am »
First one was great. Second was ok. Third is old. Fourth is no!
- Newby
http://www.x86labs.org

Quote
[17:32:45] * xar sets mode: -oooooooooo algorithm ban chris cipher newby stdio TehUser tnarongi|away vursed warz
[17:32:54] * xar sets mode: +o newby
[17:32:58] <xar> new rule
[17:33:02] <xar> me and newby rule all

I'd bet that you're currently bloated like a water ballon on a hot summer's day.

That analogy doesn't even make sense.  Why would a water balloon be especially bloated on a hot summer's day? For your sake, I hope there wasn't too much logic testing on your LSAT. 

Offline Sidoh

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2005, 10:01:56 am »
AHAHAHHAHHAAH

I thought all of those were great.  :D

Offline Blaze

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2005, 01:33:45 pm »
I didn't like the first one, but the second one was good. :P
And like a fool I believed myself, and thought I was somebody else...

Offline Super_X

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2005, 02:48:18 am »
I don't know.. My favorite program-ie quote, joke thingie is this:
"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck, is the day they make vacuume cleaners."

Offline Screenor

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Re: Best joke ever
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2005, 10:10:34 am »
A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was shocked and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Rofl.

Offline Joe

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2005, 04:58:03 pm »
Thats a good one too.

Oxymoron: Micro$oft Works
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2005, 05:01:29 pm »
I can't stand when people use a $ instead of an S. Stop being a fucking loser and get off the bandwagon, bitch.

Offline Screenor

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #13 on: September 15, 2005, 05:41:30 pm »
I can't stand when people use a $ instead of an S. Stop being a fucking loser and get off the bandwagon, bitch.
Raged. :)

Offline Joe

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Re: Programmer Jokes
« Reply #14 on: September 15, 2005, 06:27:40 pm »
Thats a bad joke trust.
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.