Author Topic: Sexist Jokes  (Read 9853 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Sexist Jokes
« on: December 07, 2005, 04:05:25 pm »
Q: Why hasn't any country sent a women to the moon?
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None.  She should have it open by the time she gets to the couch.

Q: Why don't women need to wear watches?
A: Because there's a clock on the oven.

Q: Why don't women need to learn out to ski?
A: Because there are no hills between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Offline Blaze

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7136
  • Canadian
    • View Profile
    • Maide
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2005, 04:18:42 pm »
Q:  How do you turn a Dish-washer into a snow-blower?
A:  You buy her a shovel.
« Last Edit: December 07, 2005, 04:20:47 pm by Blaze »
And like a fool I believed myself, and thought I was somebody else...

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2005, 04:52:55 pm »
Q:  How do you turn a Dish-washer into a snow-blower?
A:  You buy her a shovel.

LMFAO!  That's great.

Offline Towelie

  • pwnstar
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4873
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2005, 11:40:41 pm »
The one I heard today(coincidentally) was:
Q:Why Dont women need driver's licenses?
A:Because there isn't a road between their bedroom and the kitchen

Offline Joe

  • B&
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10319
  • In Soviet Russia, text read you!
    • View Profile
    • Github
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2005, 05:19:53 pm »
Towelie, thats the skiing one. =p

Those are great!
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


trust

  • Guest
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2005, 08:56:39 pm »
I read this one in a bathroom stall at the University of Virginia in 8th grade.

Q:What is the useless piece of flesh surrounding the vagina?
A:A woman.


Offline Super_X

  • I suck.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1340
  • I suck!
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2005, 09:18:29 pm »
Q: What's the differance between a run and my wife?
A: I have to take my rug outside to beat it.

Offline Joe

  • B&
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10319
  • In Soviet Russia, text read you!
    • View Profile
    • Github
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2005, 10:47:16 pm »
Question Trust, what are you doing in a University in 8th grade? The only post-highschool campus I've ever been on is Baraboo University, when I was hanging out in the woods with Justin, Liz, and Stacie.
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


Offline Warrior

  • supreme mac daddy of trolls
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7503
  • One for a Dime two for a Quarter!
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2005, 11:43:56 pm »
Q: You know what's funny?
A: Women's rights.
One must ask oneself: "do I will trolling to become a universal law?" And then when one realizes "yes, I do will it to be such," one feels completely justified.
-- from Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Trolling

Offline GameSnake

  • News hound
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2937
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2005, 11:47:40 pm »
Holy offendsing shit chirst that is jolly!

Offline Ergot

  • 吴立峰 ^_^ !
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3724
  • I steal bandwidth. p_o
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2005, 11:49:05 pm »
Holy offendsing shit chirst that is jolly!
Offending* Christ*
The grammar police has struck again!
Who gives a damn? I fuck sheep all the time.
And yes, male both ends.  There are a couple lesbians that need a two-ended dildo...My router just refuses to wear a strap-on.
(05:55:03) JoE ThE oDD: omfg good job i got a boner thinkin bout them chinese bitches
(17:54:15) Sidoh: I love cosmetology

Offline Joe

  • B&
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10319
  • In Soviet Russia, text read you!
    • View Profile
    • Github
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2005, 11:53:04 pm »
Holy offendsing shit chirst that is jolly!
Offending* Christ*
The grammar police has struck again!
Mai grammer is gooder.
I'd personally do as Joe suggests

You might be right about that, Joe.


trust

  • Guest
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2005, 05:24:09 am »
Question Trust, what are you doing in a University in 8th grade? The only post-highschool campus I've ever been on is Baraboo University, when I was hanging out in the woods with Justin, Liz, and Stacie.

Campus tour with PSAT group.

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2005, 12:49:59 pm »
I went to University of Wyoming on a camp in 7th grade sometime.  I've been to CSU's campus for a lot of things in high school.

trust

  • Guest
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2005, 06:55:34 pm »
I toured my first college the summer between 5th and 6th @ Junior University.

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2005, 06:58:38 pm »
I toured my first college the summer between 5th and 6th @ Junior University.

I lived in Kemmerer, Wyoming until I lived in 8th grade.  Visiting a university meant at least 7 hours of driving.

trust

  • Guest
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2005, 07:13:31 pm »
I toured my first college the summer between 5th and 6th @ Junior University.

I lived in Kemmerer, Wyoming until I lived in 8th grade.  Visiting a university meant at least 7 hours of driving.

Just to be clear. Junior University (JU) was a summer program for accelerated middle schoolers at a local high school (my current highschool) where you took classes for half a day. It actually was really fun.

Offline deadly7

  • 42
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6496
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2005, 07:46:48 pm »
I was supposed to go to Brown (not brown, brown, brown, brown... Lisa, are you all right? You're saying brown a lot) in the summer for some science related college classes but it cost a fuckin' lot of money (4k ish).
[17:42:21.609] <Ergot> Kutsuju you're girlfrieds pussy must be a 403 error for you
 [17:42:25.585] <Ergot> FORBIDDEN

on IRC playing T&T++
<iago> He is unarmed
<Hitmen> he has no arms?!

on AIM with a drunk mythix:
(00:50:05) Mythix: Deadly
(00:50:11) Mythix: I'm going to fuck that red dot out of your head.
(00:50:15) Mythix: with my nine

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2005, 10:14:01 pm »
Just to be clear. Junior University (JU) was a summer program for accelerated middle schoolers at a local high school (my current highschool) where you took classes for half a day. It actually was really fun.

I visited UW for a program called KEY, which stands for Knowledge Enriched Youth.  It's basically the same type of program you're describing, but we stayed in the dorms for a week and a half.

Offline Nate

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 425
  • You all suck
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2005, 04:28:27 pm »
I was supposed to go to Brown (not brown, brown, brown, brown... Lisa, are you all right? You're saying brown a lot) in the summer for some science related college classes but it cost a fuckin' lot of money (4k ish).

Yea you'll get that every year.  Don't bother with it.

Offline GameSnake

  • News hound
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2937
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2005, 04:56:09 pm »
More jokes less talk.

Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

------

TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:

10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.

Offline Super_X

  • I suck.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1340
  • I suck!
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #21 on: December 12, 2005, 03:52:46 pm »
-1. You CAN'T fuck a dog... Well, I guess Newby and towelie can..

Offline Towelie

  • pwnstar
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4873
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2005, 06:07:00 pm »
no, just topaz

Offline Newby

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10877
  • Thrash!
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2005, 06:17:48 pm »
Rofl. GameSnake, those are awesome. :)
- Newby
http://www.x86labs.org

Quote
[17:32:45] * xar sets mode: -oooooooooo algorithm ban chris cipher newby stdio TehUser tnarongi|away vursed warz
[17:32:54] * xar sets mode: +o newby
[17:32:58] <xar> new rule
[17:33:02] <xar> me and newby rule all

I'd bet that you're currently bloated like a water ballon on a hot summer's day.

That analogy doesn't even make sense.  Why would a water balloon be especially bloated on a hot summer's day? For your sake, I hope there wasn't too much logic testing on your LSAT. 

Offline Blaze

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7136
  • Canadian
    • View Profile
    • Maide
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2005, 07:05:35 pm »
Yeah, they're true too. :)
And like a fool I believed myself, and thought I was somebody else...

Offline GameSnake

  • News hound
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2937
    • View Profile
Re: Sexist Jokes
« Reply #25 on: December 15, 2005, 08:25:05 am »
I thought the story joke was funnier than all of the Dog vs Women stuff combined.