Author Topic: Men and Women  (Read 4106 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline dark_drake

  • Mufasa was 10x the lion Simba was.
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2440
  • Dun dun dun
    • View Profile
Men and Women
« on: April 16, 2006, 11:47:33 pm »
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.
errr... something like that...

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2006, 11:48:16 pm »
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!  ROFL!

Offline CrAz3D

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10184
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2006, 11:52:45 pm »
Is that not the best joke ever?  I saw it on my F150 forums a week or 2 ago.

Offline Blaze

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7136
  • Canadian
    • View Profile
    • Maide
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2006, 11:54:07 pm »
ROFLMAOMFGG NOOB!
And like a fool I believed myself, and thought I was somebody else...

Offline Newby

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10877
  • Thrash!
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2006, 11:58:33 pm »
Hahaha. Brilliant. Simply brilliant. :P
- Newby
http://www.x86labs.org

Quote
[17:32:45] * xar sets mode: -oooooooooo algorithm ban chris cipher newby stdio TehUser tnarongi|away vursed warz
[17:32:54] * xar sets mode: +o newby
[17:32:58] <xar> new rule
[17:33:02] <xar> me and newby rule all

I'd bet that you're currently bloated like a water ballon on a hot summer's day.

That analogy doesn't even make sense.  Why would a water balloon be especially bloated on a hot summer's day? For your sake, I hope there wasn't too much logic testing on your LSAT. 

Offline Ergot

  • 吴立峰 ^_^ !
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3724
  • I steal bandwidth. p_o
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2006, 12:15:53 am »
lololol
Who gives a damn? I fuck sheep all the time.
And yes, male both ends.  There are a couple lesbians that need a two-ended dildo...My router just refuses to wear a strap-on.
(05:55:03) JoE ThE oDD: omfg good job i got a boner thinkin bout them chinese bitches
(17:54:15) Sidoh: I love cosmetology

Offline Sidoh

  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17634
  • MHNATY ~~~~~
    • View Profile
    • sidoh
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2006, 12:22:26 am »
Is that not the best joke ever?  I saw it on my F150 forums a week or 2 ago.

COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.   CALL THE POLICE.

Hahaha. Brilliant. Simply brilliant. :P

That's dark_drake for you! :)

Offline deadly7

  • 42
  • x86
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6496
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2006, 06:55:49 pm »
I saw this a long time ago.  This is a chain letter.  It still kicks ass.
[17:42:21.609] <Ergot> Kutsuju you're girlfrieds pussy must be a 403 error for you
 [17:42:25.585] <Ergot> FORBIDDEN

on IRC playing T&T++
<iago> He is unarmed
<Hitmen> he has no arms?!

on AIM with a drunk mythix:
(00:50:05) Mythix: Deadly
(00:50:11) Mythix: I'm going to fuck that red dot out of your head.
(00:50:15) Mythix: with my nine

Offline GameSnake

  • News hound
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2937
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2006, 09:05:13 pm »
Nice!!!  ;D

Offline Warrior

  • supreme mac daddy of trolls
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7503
  • One for a Dime two for a Quarter!
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2006, 11:23:49 pm »
ROFL!!!!!!
One must ask oneself: "do I will trolling to become a universal law?" And then when one realizes "yes, I do will it to be such," one feels completely justified.
-- from Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Trolling

Offline Towelie

  • pwnstar
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4873
    • View Profile
Re: Men and Women
« Reply #10 on: April 17, 2006, 11:24:42 pm »
I love it! :D