My dad took the brakes apart and looked at them -- apparently one of the pistons that pushes the pad to the wheel was rusted solid (holy shit Zagaroth) so the other one did twice the work, effectively being pushed too far and spewing out brake fluid. A junkyard run, a few hours of work, and $60 fixed that.
Also, Zag hit something a while ago and put the left fog light *inside* the grill, and the gas door started to kinda fall off (seperate incident, I bet, but oh well). My dad ebayed me a new grill and gas door for $30 total.
@Super_X: I don't know the VINS, but I asked my dad if it was the original engine and he said yes (he's a machinist and auto mechanic by trade, so I bet he's right).