Sad story about sexuality

[iago]

I just read this, and it's depressing. Thank god the world's changed:

I grew up in a small town, in a devout Catholic home, and I had no clue there was more than one kind of sexuality. I had thoughts and feelings I didn't know what to do with, but I don't think I'd ever heard the word "gay," much less knew what it meant.

I'd had sex with girls, but I didn't have my first experience with another guy until I was 18. I was at an ex-girlfriend's party, and it wasn't pretty; everyone was bombed or high. Except for this older guy: late-20s, maybe 30, somebody's brother. I knew he was looking at me in a way that men weren't supposed to look at other men. We got talking, realized we both hated the party, and agreed to go for a walk in what by then had to be the wee hours. We were in a big deserted park, grass, bushes, streetlights, when he turned to me and I thought, "He's going to kiss me and I'm going to throw up." He did; I didn't.

I was so awkward. I had no idea how to do the things my feelings were prompting me to do. I knew I wanted to top him, but didn't know that word or how exactly to get there. He was so patient and gentle and understanding. This is not a story of a teenage kid being preyed on. I took the lead; he guided. He never pushed anything. He helped introduce me to myself.

He lived halfway down the East Coast, but he kept in regular touch with calls and long affectionate letters, checking in on me, listening to me, reassuring me that whatever I felt was okay.

Not everyone felt that way. This was almost 40 years ago. When I got comfortable enough to tell my parents I thought I was gay, they had me committed to a mental hospital. That's another story, and not a very nice one. I was there till I was 21 and could legally insist on being released. Shock treatments, megadoses of Thorazine. I don't know why I didn't go truly nuts. I think a big part of it was the memory of that kindness and that closeness, and the rightness of it, for me. I lost a lot during those years locked up. I lost track of that wonderful guy who'd been just what I needed when nobody else understood.

I never had a chance to thank him, so I'd like to do that now, and maybe imagine he's reading this and remembering too.

Anonymous

[Blaze]

When did the world change, again?

[iago]

Well, at least people aren't put in mental institutions anymore..

[Sidoh]

Well, at least people aren't put in mental institutions anymore..

I don't think parents exercise that amount of assholery anymore.

Good story though.  Very sad.  It's really quite pathetic when people behave this way.

[truste1]

NSFW.

[CrAz3D]

that is prett sad

[truste1]

Yeah, it's sad; but this story is gross. Please warn in the future as we don't all have Zach's gaydar.

[iago]

Yeah, it's sad; but this story is gross. Please warn in the future as we don't all have Zach's gaydar.

Wow, that's beyond your 'gross' threshold?

You must be an incredibly boring person... :P

[truste1]

Just "I knew I wanted to top him"

[Sidoh]

I think I agree with iago.  I find it strange that the idea of gay sex is "gross" to you.  I'd definitely understand if you said it wasn't arousing, but not gross.

[iago]

Well, it's not significantly different from people saying, "I want to sleep with her" or similar.

It is a pretty funny way to put it, I've never heard somebody word it quite like that before. But "I wanted to fuck him" or "I wanted to sleep with him" don't seem significantly cleaner, so I'm not sure how else you'd put it.

[deadly7]

Well, it's not significantly different from people saying, "I want to sleep with her" or similar.

It is a pretty funny way to put it, I've never heard somebody word it quite like that before. But "I wanted to fuck him" or "I wanted to sleep with him" don't seem significantly cleaner, so I'm not sure how else you'd put it.

Trust is a conservative republican. The only way to put it is:
"I originally wanted to fornicate with this male compatriot, but the good lord Jesus Christ, in all His power, managed to turn my hellforsaken soul onto the path of purity and chastity until I meet my one true female."

[while1]

Well, it's not significantly different from people saying, "I want to sleep with her" or similar.

It is a pretty funny way to put it, I've never heard somebody word it quite like that before. But "I wanted to fuck him" or "I wanted to sleep with him" don't seem significantly cleaner, so I'm not sure how else you'd put it.

Trust is a conservative republican. The only way to put it is:
"I originally wanted to fornicate with this male compatriot, but the good lord Jesus Christ, in all His power, managed to turn my hellforsaken soul onto the path of purity and chastity until I meet my one true female."

Conservative Republican means squat.  A better description would be a social conservative.

[iago]

Well, it's not significantly different from people saying, "I want to sleep with her" or similar.

It is a pretty funny way to put it, I've never heard somebody word it quite like that before. But "I wanted to fuck him" or "I wanted to sleep with him" don't seem significantly cleaner, so I'm not sure how else you'd put it.

Trust is a conservative republican. The only way to put it is:
"I originally wanted to fornicate with this male compatriot, but the good lord Jesus Christ, in all His power, managed to turn my hellforsaken soul onto the path of purity and chastity until I meet my one true female."

Conservative Republican means squat.  A better description would be a social conservative.

I'd go with "closet case" :)

[Sidoh]

iago, I think you should watch the last few episodes of Glee.  One of the main characters is gay and something funny happened. :)