Well, here's the rundown:
I used gparted to remove my ext3 and grow my NTFS. That worked fine as far as I know. wanted to reformat my external HD. I reformatted /dev/sda as NTFS. My external HD was /dev/sdb. FML.
Anyhow, I took this as a perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone: For a while, my laptop's been giving me issues with not wanting to recharge (a known motherboard issue on the Inspiron 1525, but Dell shipped them anyhow), and Windows sucking (a known issue, but Microsoft shipped it anyhow). Solution: I convinced my dad that Apple is a company only outranked in awesome-factor by Google, and that if I don't get a MacBook, themy world will end tomorrow. Okay, that's not how I did it, but I'm headed to the Apple Store first thing in the morning to buy my new friend.