When I'm an Evil Overlord....

[iago]

The top-100 things I'd do.  There's about 300 more after you're done the 100, but I didn't read them. 

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

And incidentally, the best ones are at the end, so if you don't have much time, start at like 75. 

"Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size."

[leet_muffin]

Hahahhaah.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

[Blaze]

If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

My favorites.  :D

[ZeroX]

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

OWN3D.