Short Story!

[Hitmen]

In commemoration of your new forum, I have composed for you this masterpiece of literature. Creative writing, indeed.

Nergal and the Three Noble Midgets of Babylon

Once upon a time, Nergal was walking along the rivers in the general mesopotamian area when he came upon Babylon, a city of wonders. Nergal decided to stop for a visit and encountered three noble midgets. The midgets were thusly named: Meskalamdug, Naram-Sin, and Joe.
"Holy fuck!" said the Naram-Sin, "That's Nergal! We have to do something, or else we're fucked."
"You're right" replied Meskalamdug. "We can't just sit here and let him stab our faces repeatedly until we fall into a dead heap of flesh."
"Oh noes!" said Joe, as he ran away. The fear that Nergal instilled in the midgets was great. As the god of war, death, destruction and disease, he gave off a sense of evil that only a PMSing woman possibly could challenge. Joe was quickly struck down by Nergal, who appeared before him and stabbed him in the face repeatedly until he fell into a dead heap of flesh. Meskalamdug decided to take charge and make sure that they would gain Nergal's favor.
"Dearest Nergal, lord of the underworld, I have brought for you these children" said Meskalamdug, somehow procuring a sack full of babies since the last sentence. "We offer these in sacrifice, in hopes that you shall not harm us or our village." Naram-Sin was suddenly ferociously weilding a sledgehammer. He dove for the children and let the Hammer Fall on them, one by one, until nothing was left but a spattering of goo. Once he was finished Nergal finally spoke:
"Noble midgets of Babylon, your sacrifice is most appreciated, albeit unacceptable. I require you to spill the blood of the handicapped, for they are useless and take up too much space."
At this point, Anshar appeared, and interupted Nergal. "Nergal, you really are a jerk. Meskalamdug, Naram-Sin, you have done well to appease him, but your sacrifices were pointless. Nergal was not going to harm you."
"What??" Exclaimed Meskalamdug, "But he killed Joe!"
"So?" replied Anshar.
"I see your point. Thank you lord Anshar." Meskalamdug said.

Meskalamdug and Naram-Sin lived happily ever after.

THE END

[Joe]

"... I require you to spill the blood of the handicapped, for they are useless and take up too much space."
...
"he killed Joe!"

/cry

[Newby]

5/5 stars.

[rabbit]

23/5 stars