My College Application Essay [Suggestions]

[Chavo]

I've already said that he could make it more passive.  I said a few times that I don't think that he shouldn't change it.

I'll admit I didn't read it either, but if you do make it 'more passive' keep in mind you want to use the same perspective throughout the paper.  It may sound ok to use a past perfect tense and then a 3rd person present tense in another sentence, but it is a big no-no.

[MyndFyre]

He seems to want to use a dash..

I know, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's the correct useage.  A dash indicates an immediate, incidental interuption.

I frequently use a dash -- yes, the two-hyphen object -- as an appositive.  In terms of causing a natural pause, both a comma -- and a dash -- are equally effective, and neither is more appropriate than the other.

[Sidoh]

I'll admit I didn't read it either, but if you do make it 'more passive' keep in mind you want to use the same perspective throughout the paper.  It may sound ok to use a past perfect tense and then a 3rd person present tense in another sentence, but it is a big no-no.

I didn't mean "more passive" in a literary sense.  He should praise himself in a more descrete manner.

I frequently use a dash -- yes, the two-hyphen object -- as an appositive.  In terms of causing a natural pause, both a comma -- and a dash -- are equally effective, and neither is more appropriate than the other.

http://main.uab.edu/show.asp?durki=7713

•EM DASH (—): Use to indicate a sudden break to inject explanatory or qualifying material into a sentence. Do not insert spaces before and after the dash: The people--the ones who were the most interested--made a special effort to attend the meeting.

I think there's a difference.  An appositive is a simple elaboration.  An em dash implies an interuption.  Something that doesn't necessarily "go with the flow" of its parent sentence.

[MyndFyre]

http://main.uab.edu/show.asp?durki=7713

•EM DASH (—): Use to indicate a sudden break to inject explanatory or qualifying material into a sentence. Do not insert spaces before and after the dash: The people--the ones who were the most interested--made a special effort to attend the meeting.

I think there's a difference.  An appositive is a simple elaboration.  An em dash implies an interuption.  Something that doesn't necessarily "go with the flow" of its parent sentence.

The em dash indicates a sudden break in thought—a parenthetical statement like this one—or an open range (such as "John Doe, 1987—"). The em dash is used in much the way a colon or set of parentheses is used: it can show an abrupt change in thought or be used where a period is too strong and a comma too weak. Em dashes are sometimes used in lists of definitions, but this is not considered correct usage[citation needed]: a colon should be used instead.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dash#Em_dash

[Sidoh]

So you're saying I'm right?

[MyndFyre]

So you're saying I'm right?

Not unless we're saying the same thing -- which I don't believe we are.

[Sidoh]

Not unless we're saying the same thing -- which I don't believe we are.

Type two dashes into Word, keep typing a few words and see what it turns it into. 

[MyndFyre]

Not unless we're saying the same thing -- which I don't believe we are.

Type two dashes into Word, keep typing a few words and see what it turns it into. 

It turns into the em dash, I know.  Two dashes is the older convention for fixed-width typewriters and such.  That's why it's still considered valid in American English.

[Sidoh]

It turns into the em dash, I know.  Two dashes is the older convention for fixed-width typewriters and such.  That's why it's still considered valid in American English.

So you're saying "--" is an em dash?  That's what I've been saying, haha.

If it is, then what I said is correct?

[MyndFyre]

It turns into the em dash, I know.  Two dashes is the older convention for fixed-width typewriters and such.  That's why it's still considered valid in American English.

So you're saying "--" is an em dash?  That's what I've been saying, haha.

If it is, then what I said is correct?

What I've been saying is that an em dash can be used for making parenthetical comments -- like an appositive -- whereas you said that was an improper usage.

[trust]

Well my AP Lit teacher edited it and said it was really good and that she was impressed. There were some punctuation errors, and she replaced some dashes with commas but the George W. Bush one at the top is fine but I do need to add a closing one.

[Sidoh]

What I've been saying is that an em dash can be used for making parenthetical comments -- like an appositive -- whereas you said that was an improper usage.

According to the article you provided and bolded, an em dash isn't necessarily a proper replacement for an appositive.  It's a "sudden break in thought," whereas an appositive doesn't follow this pattern.  It is a much more expected elaboration, such as this statement I am typing right now.

In grammar, an appositive is a noun phrase that renames or describes another noun phrase, with no word interposed between the two phrases. So, Alice in Bill's friend, Alice,... is an appositive noun phrase; Alice in Bill's friend, whose name is Alice,...

I don't think it's a valid replacement, but dashes definitely have their uses in papers...

Well my AP Lit teacher edited it and said it was really good and that she was impressed. There were some punctuation errors, and she replaced some dashes with commas but the George W. Bush one at the top is fine but I do need to add a closing one.

Pffff!  She's wrong!  Change it!

Haha, kidding.  I do think that an appositive is more appropriate, though.