The Wierdest Thing You Will Ever Hear Me Ask

[Kaleeko]

I say weird because, simply, I am usually not the type to ask for relationship advice, especially from a group of nerds such as yourself. (That's a compliment.)

If you didn't know, my boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago. It was a rather peaceful breakup, except for the fact that it was completely out of the blue, and unprovoked. While I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with David -- and was under the complete speculation that he felt the same way -- he apparently changed his mind and suddenly fell out of love with me. For no reason. He just *stopped*.

There are some things I understand about guys.. This isn't one of them. How does someone, one week, leave messages on your phone saying "I don't have words to describe how much I love you" and "you and I are made for each other" and "I never want to be with anyone else, or see you with anyone else", and then, almost exactly a week later, feel the exact opposite?

Seriously, you think girls are fucked up? That's just... Fucked up.

[Newby]

:(.

[Joe]

Dr Joe, PhD, delivers his diagnosis.


(23:47:02) [x86] Joe: I'm sorry for my insensitivity in this, but I'll agree: Boy's are fucked up.
(23:47:32) [x86] Joe: Now, to make up for that insensitivity (although unsubtle), sorry to hear about that.
(23:47:46) Kaleeko: Haha.
(23:47:48) Kaleeko: Well, thanks/
(23:47:57) [x86] Joe: Unfortunately (fortunately?) I've never dated a guy, so I don't know.
(23:48:28) [x86] Joe: Now to make myself sound like an ass, if he would gom from pont A to.. point negative A in one week, he probably wasn't worth it.
(23:48:38) [x86] Joe: Not gom. Go, even.

[Sidoh]

x86] link=topic=8801.msg111844#msg111844 date=1173765432]
Dr Joe, PhD, delivers his diagnosis.

Yeah, you have a "PhD in BS:" Piled high and deep in bull shit.  What you've shown there is nothing more than a display of sympathy.


I'm going to be blunt.  Please don't take anything harshly or think I'm accusing you of anything.

I'll state the obvious.  Aside from being totally unreasonable or insane, the only reasons I can think of for such a sudden change in feelings are: a realization of some sort, a rumor he heard, something you said that effected him in such a way or something he witnessed.  This obviously isn't an exhaustive list, but it should get the point across.

That being said, there are quite a few logical reasons that he could so spontaneously change his mind about something so serious.  I strongly suggest you ask him.  I find it unbelievably unlikely that he "just stopped" loving you.  I propose that there's nearly always a simple reason for this, especially when it is this sudden.  It may end up being a waste of your time, but it could also be one of the best things you do for your relationship with David.

All the best, Kaleeko.

[Kaleeko]

I've tried asking him what the change was, and his answer has been, always been, that he doesn't know. That he suddenly realized one day that he wasn't romantically attracted to me anymore. That he suddenly realized I "wasn't the one for him". Granted, there were some things that were wrong with our relationship, but they were things we were working out to the point where they were hardly issues anymore.

But, considering all this to be true, I still can't understand how someone can change so quickly, especially with a feeling so strong. I won't exhaust myself explaining how, but the depth for which he felt, at least what expressed, for me was something very profound. It wasn't just another relationship. We'd even gone so far as basically deciding we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, barring anything supernatural happening. Well, the supernatural happened.

I'm still trying to see whether this was a good thing or not. It's kind of hard to tell right now.

[Super_X]

That's really too bad, dude.. But, As I've told you many many times before, Guys suck. :( Sorry for his loss, Ma'am.

[Krazed]

Hrm. Fuck relationships, but anyway. Theres another girl IMO. Fuck him, he's not worth it.

[Armin]

It was definitely a realization like Sidoh said, yet it doesn't always have to be something you do. He could've realized that he only thought he loved you all this time, possibly because he didn't give it as much thought as something like this requires..

[Furious]

Maybe he realized he wasn't ready ( to commit himself to you ) and got scared.

[CrAz3D]

PEOPLE are fucked up.  (I'm still pretty jacked re:the girl I love & that "loved" me & "didnt want to do anything to mess it up", cheated on me........but I take comfort in her being recently fired & dating some wetback)

and yeah, there has got to be some underlying circumstances as to what made him change his mind.
Family issues, soon-to-be attending college & moving away issues?
...I would think the possibility of moving away for college would be a BIG thing (if thats even in the question)

If he won't talk about it completely & honestly, well, maybe he wasn't invested enough in you (nor is he worth your time).

you're cute, go find a decent person to date.

[ZeroX]

Its simple. He wanted some pussy. He texted you some sweet nothings and told you what you wanted to hear. Once he got what he wanted he was done.

[CrAz3D]

Its simple. He wanted some pussy. He texted you some sweet nothings and told you what you wanted to hear. Once he got what he wanted he was done.

...you sound bitter/sarcastic...and since I can't remember who her b/f was on here, was it you?
(I'm like 85% its Sty though)....just checkin

[Newby]

Its simple. He wanted some pussy. He texted you some sweet nothings and told you what you wanted to hear. Once he got what he wanted he was done.

...you sound bitter/sarcastic...and since I can't remember who her b/f was on here, was it you?
(I'm like 85% its Sty though)....just checkin

Neither.

[trust]

I was actually in a similar (by similar I mean pretty much exact same) situation, where my exgirlfriend was you and I was your exboyfriend. My best piece of advice is don't call him and start crying weeks or days later, or ask him what you did wrong, etc. It'll make him start to despise you and you'll just be worse off. Just accept it and move on, time heals all wounds as they say.

It's crazy and hard to understand I know, liking someone so much one day and not at all the next. But it does happen, and it is possible. Most likely though he started to find things wrong with you, things he was blinded to at the beginning and in the period of initial lust. At first he can cope with these things but eventually they add up and become overwhelming. He begins to realize that you are in fact not the "one" and wants to end it before he leads you on any further.

I'm sorry for your situation, but in the end it's probably for the best. You may love him, but as they say..it takes two to tango.

[iago]

Its simple. He wanted some pussy. He texted you some sweet nothings and told you what you wanted to hear. Once he got what he wanted he was done.

That's what I was thinking, but in a less cynical way.

As a guy, I'll say whatever I think I'm supposed to say to avoid being yelled at. I have at least one female friend (not romantic, mind) who doesn't know me at all, everything I talk about with her is more or less a facade. But I say what I'm supposed to say, and she thinks I'm awesome.

I don't know if that's the same kind of situation. I am reasonably sure that I wouldn't be able to tell her "bye" easily, for fear that she'd kill me.

But what it really comes down to is what ZeroX said -- many guys will say whatever they think they're supposed to say, not necessarily what they think.