Programmer Jokes

[Joe]

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better
programmer.  This goes on for a few hours until they come
to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the Judge. 
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They
type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for
several hours straight.  Seconds before the end of the
competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the
electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God
announces that the contest is over.  He asks Satan to show
what he has come up with.

Satin is visibly upset and cries, "I have nothing, I lost iit all when the power went out."
"Very well, then, " says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pours forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished.  He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything yet Jesus' program is Intact!  How did he do it?"
God Chuckles,  "Everybody knows... Jesus Saves."

http://www.yuksrus.com/programr.html

[Joe]

A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was shocked and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

[Joe]

Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

[Joe]

How many software engineers does it take to replace a light bulb?
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.

[Ergot]

Heh some of them were kinda funny.

[Joe]

(01:48:43) [x86] Ergot: Like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven.  Real programmers use the heat given off by the CPU. They can tell what  job is running just by listening to the rate the corn is popping.

[Newby]

First one was great. Second was ok. Third is old. Fourth is no!

[Sidoh]

AHAHAHHAHHAAH

I thought all of those were great.  :D

[Blaze]

I didn't like the first one, but the second one was good. :P

[Super_X]

I don't know.. My favorite program-ie quote, joke thingie is this:
"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck, is the day they make vacuume cleaners."

[Screenor]

A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was shocked and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Rofl.

[Joe]

Thats a good one too.

Oxymoron: Micro$oft Works

[trust]

I can't stand when people use a $ instead of an S. Stop being a fucking loser and get off the bandwagon, bitch.

[Screenor]

I can't stand when people use a $ instead of an S. Stop being a fucking loser and get off the bandwagon, bitch.

Raged. :)

[Joe]

Thats a bad joke trust.